I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My ass is underappreciated
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
