Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
