i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
