I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
