Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
