It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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