its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
