is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
