i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
