she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
