four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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