Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
