i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
