My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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