Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
