Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
