it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Randomize
