I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
