I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize