this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
