those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
