Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
