just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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