Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
