can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
