I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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