your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
