if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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