Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
