Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
