you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
