At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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