Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
