I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
