He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
