Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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