No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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