i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
