I hope mine doesn't look like that
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
