i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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