Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't put those talents on a resume
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
