Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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