i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
