My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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