APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
