hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
