K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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