I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
