guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
