I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
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it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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