I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
