Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
