i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
