seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
