You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
