sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
