Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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