Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
