some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
