I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
