If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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