You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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