you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
