When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
