It's like God shit irony all over that family
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
