plz talk dirty to me
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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