He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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