shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
