My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
