Don't make out with my wife yet
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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