HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
